Visitors and Disquisitors
- Vivian Foley
- Mar 14
- 5 min read
It turns out that "disquisitor" is a pretty archaic word we do not commonly use these days. It basically means someone who makes a disquisition😊 And just in case you don't know what a disquisition is it is "a formal inquiry, investigation, or research of a particular subject." In a BYU devotional that Sean recently shared with me, the speaker told the story of his wife who, as sister mission leader during COVID restrictions, was very concerned about the missionaries frequently saying "This is not what I signed up for.” She worked to have them change this saying to "This is exactly what I signed up for!" As I make formal investigations into my mission experience, there are many parts that have surprised me in the sheer difficulty of navigating the situation. I may not have known exactly what I was signing up for, but the experiences and growth are exactly what I signed up for!
Now as we are down to just over 6 weeks on our mission, we have had a lot of final visitors and disquisitors asking us what we have learned. I hope you won't mind us sharing some of our answers in this and the next few blog posts.
Visitors Disquisition Finding # 1: We have been extremely blessed by the experience of having every one of our children and grandchildren visit us during our mission. The last two days of Branden's visit overlapped with Ryan, Hannah and Willow's arrival. We really loved having them all here and introducing them to the crazy city and work that we have grown to love. We amazed them with our ability to navigate the chaos and we enjoyed sharing some of the things we have learned. With Ryan, Hannah and Willow we were also able to return to Gaya Island in Malaysia for a few days. This time our room looked out over the ocean. Watching the sunrise over the ocean each morning was amazing. Even more, we loved being with our beautiful three-year-old granddaughter and seeing her delight in jumping into the pool over and over and over (and over) again. We also loved sharing some of our favorite foods here and we were able to explore some other new places that we had not yet experienced. We are sorry (not sorry) in advance for all the pictures below.
Visitors Disquisition Finding # 2: One of the most memorable stories of Ryan and family's visit was during a trek to the main Singapore zoo. On our way there we had stopped at a bakery and Willow still had a half-eaten sandwich in a plastic container in the bottom of her stroller. As we traveled around the zoo looking at animals, we had seen warning signs about wild monkeys around the zoo, but had not ever seen any or had run-ins with them previously. So we didn't think much about the sandwich in the stroller. As we were innocently observing the elephants Sean said "look at those monkeys". As I turned to look I observed one grabbing the sandwich out of the stroller and then at least six more joining to quickly tear open the plastic and devour the sandwich. Willow started to go after them but fortunately they were quick to get away and she didn't have them come after her. It was a crazy moment with Willow crying about her sandwich and people gathering with their phones to take video and pictures of the incident. We were certainly able to observe for ourselves how those innocent looking monkeys can be quite the menaces!
Marriage Disquisitions: I have been thinking a lot about our marriage relationship and how it has grown and been strengthened by our mission experience. For many years Sean has had callings to serve in the church that have taken a lot of extra time and have meant sacrifice on the part of our children and me to support him. In more recent years I have also served as Relief Society President which took some sacrifice on Sean's part to support me. One of my greatest longings for our mission was to have opportunities to serve together closely.
Marriage Disquisition Finding # 1: We prepared for working closely together through many years of raising a family and working on our marriage. Even with all of that preparation however, we have had much to learn about working closely together. We have each brought different career experiences and strengths with us to the mission. We have sometimes had to learn how to share and use those strengths together without stepping on each other's toes. There have been some definite ouches along the way in that learning, but there have also been wonderful moments of joy as we have discussed situations and shared ideas, and then come up with solutions!
Marriage Disquisition Finding # 2: We have done a lot of research on how an introvert and an extrovert can work happily together in a marriage. For one thing, it helps to understand and acknowledge the differences and to be sensitive to them. Sometimes it means that Sean goes early to an event while I arrive just on time and he has time to visit while I sit quietly with someone who also prefers to sit quietly. Sometimes it means we stay longer at an event than I would prefer while sometimes it means we leave earlier than Sean would prefer. It turns out that when we communicate our needs it works better...and if we don't communicate well we might have a little "kerfuffle".
Marriage Disquisition Finding # 3: We have learned more about the importance of good communication about little things that we do together. This includes things like having scripture study and discussions on a daily basis, talking about plans for the day, and having some down time together. The age-old couples argument about "Hey what's for dinner?" has been thoroughly researched by our investigative team. We have come up with some less triggering language to help us navigate this nightly question. We have also learned to better share the load when it comes to meal preparation. Sean has developed some amazing bread making, cookie making, and corn-on-the-cob making skills. We love that the latter is always in season here but more importantly we have better learned how to navigate dishwashing without a dishwasher. We are really pretty amazing!
That's just the beginning of my disquisition on things I have learned on my mission, but I will say that my family and especially my relationship with Sean have been the best research and growth in this experience. I am so grateful for all of them!
Photos
There is definitely a photo overload this time. Here they are in three sections: Mission work, nature, and visitors. We love them all!
Mission Work
Nature
Visitors!!
I loved hearing some of the lessons you have learned and seeing those beautiful nature pictures and all the fun pictures of your visit with Branden and Ryan’s family! What a blessing to have had all your children and grandchildren visit! So many wonderful memories you have created.